I've been working my way through Restless - You Were Made For More, by Jennie Allen. First of all, let me just say if you haven't read this book, you seriously need to. Even if you think you know what you were made to do, this book will get you thinking about what God really has made you to do.
I've been operating under the premise this past year that I was supposed to fulfill one of two past callings. Because one isn't an option at this point, I decided to pursue the second. All without truly consulting God about any of it. I figured that if I had done it before, it made sense that I could just step right back into it. I told Him what I was up to, and then proceeded to struggle and agonize for the next twelve months.
What I didn't do was pay attention when I heard God call me to leave off working and running a daycare to be fully present as a stay-at-home-mom. God knows that I get distracted easily, and I also have a tendency toward avoidance when things get hard. But I assumed that His directions to sacrifice a meager paycheque had more to do with trust (a recurrent issue in my life) and nothing at all to do with purpose. After all, I had that calling to pursue. Staying at home made perfect geographical sense.
Turns out, I missed the point. While reading Restless, I fully expected to get all fired up to be more than just a mom. Turns out, I've instead started to become fired up to be just a mom. And I hold this quote responsible:
So whether our role is to mother or start a business or sponsor a child or sweep a floor or run a bank or teach little people to read, we don't want to miss it. His Spirit will pour us into need, and who are we to judge where and what is the greatest need? This isn't as much about what or where; this is about getting over ourselves and just doing it. (emphasis mine)
I realized I was so caught up in trying to figure out what I was supposed to be doing, that I was missing exactly what I was supposed to be doing!
I believe one hundred percent, even on the days that the bank balance scares me and the school fees are mounting and it is still another week until payday, on the days laundry gets old and I just want to go somewhere, that God has asked me to be home, fully present, for this season. To set aside the things that distract me and pour into the need right in front of me.
Here I was looking for some big calling and He has just handed me the biggest one.
Linking up for SDG.